The Daily Life of a Fairy Tail Mage
by MysticStarblade
Summary: This is a series of one-shots dedicated to humor, romance, and friendship. But... mostly humor. **Collaboration with Deathslayer Night (who's also my younger brother) Chapter 4: Someone superglued Gray into his clothes! What will Gray do to fix it? And how is Juvia involved?
1. Natsu and Lucy's Glorious Adventure

**_Hey everyone! This will be a series of one-shots done by me and Deathslayer Night, who is also my younger brother :) You should check out his fanfic "The Ultimate Cross-Over!" if you like a crossover between Naruto, One Piece, Fairy Tail, Soul Eater, and many others! Anyway, let the one-shot collabs begin! Also, we'll update whenever we have a chapter done._**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: Natsu and Lucy's Glorious Adventure**

 **MysticStarblade** : It was a cold and windy day. Natsu and Lucy (as well as Happy) were off on a new mission. They were currently walking down a mountain path- Lucy dressed in a thick coat and mittens and Natsu dressed in his usual outfit: vest, trousers, and scarf. Happy flew around them happily.

 **Deathslayer Night:** Natsu had noticed that Lucy, even with her winter attire, was still shivering.

"Yo, Luce," Natsu called, "Are you alright?"

"N-no," Lucy sniffled, her teeth chattering like the sound parrots make, "I-I'll just call Horologium-" Lucy stopped when she felt something land on her coat.

 **MysticStarblade** : "N-Natsu?" Lucy blushed, "W-what are you d-d-doing?"

Natsu grinned. "Here, Luce! You can use my scarf to keep yourself warm."

Lucy blushed even further. "T-thanks... Wait... Natsu-"

Unfortunately, Natsu's scarf was the only thing holding his vest together. So when he gave it to his teammate, the vest broke free and fluttered around him, revealing his glorious (and somehow _shimmering_ ) abs.

 **Deathslayer Night:** Natsu looked down and frowned.

"Oops," Natsu remarked stupidly, not knowing that Lucy's head was steaming like gas that came from boiling hot water, "Hang on, let me get it-" Natsu bent down, causing his muscles to flex for Lucy.

"W-wow," Lucy thought, staring wide-eyed at Natsu's body, "Amazing…"

"Wait a sec- NO!" Natsu suddenly screamed as a gust of wind picked up his vest, sweeping it away down the side of the mountain they were on.

"DAMN IT!" Natsu yelled, stomping his foot on the ground, making his abs ripple like waves in the sea...

 **MysticStarblade** : Another unfortunate event occurred, which would soon make Lucy very... _very_ jealous. A group of teenage girls just so happened to be walking by. Yes. Out of the entire mountain, that group of girls just _had_ to be on the same exact path as the mages.

"OH. MY. GOD!" One of the girls swooned and pointed out. "LOOK AT THOSE GLORIOUS ABS! They look so..." she licked her lips, "scrumptious."

The rest of the girls then turned to see the fire dragon-slayer, who stood there in the snow, exuding abnormal body heat, a mist forming around him. Of course, he wasn't exactly _aware_ of it... Natsu was dense after all. Anyway, Natsu stood in the melting snow, twisting and turning, trying to find his vest, only to flex his abdominal muscles even more for the ladies to admire.

"Where could that damn vest be?" Natsu wondered, raising his hand to scratch his head, unaware of the fact that his biceps were rippling, making the group (and Lucy) ogle him.

 **Deathslayer Night:** "ME WANT!" All the teenage girls yelled, shoving past Lucy and almost tackling Natsu to the soft, white snow. After being shoved, Lucy regained her consciousness as Natsu yelped inside a giant mass of fangirls. She growled.

"No…" Lucy thought out loud viciously, "THOSE ABS ARE MINE!"

"Hehehe," Happy, talking for the first time during the trip, giggled, "SHE LIIIIIKKKKESSSSSS YOU!"

"GO TO HELL!" Lucy roared, kicking away the cat like a punter for an American football team into the sky. Lucy turned towards her main problem as Happy faintly cried out,

"But Hell is undergrouuuuuunnnddddddd!"

"How the hell am I going to get these fangirls off my Natsu?" Lucy thought, silently growling as one of the girls were rubbing her head on Natsu's toned chest, "Taurus would moon over them, Capricorn is too proud to fight girls, Cancer would just give them a haircut, Loke-"

"You called, my angel?" Loke appeared beside Lucy.

"I DID NOT!" Lucy yelled as Loke scanned their situation before nodding.

"I have an idea," Loke remarked before walking to the mass of fangirls and Natsu.

"Laaadies," Loke stated calmly, pushing his glasses up while getting the attention of the girls.

"What do you want?" One of the girls snarled, irritated that Loke distracted them. He coughed.

"Behold…" Loke whispered.

"... REGULUS STRIPPPPPPP!" He ripped off his shirt and exposed his muscled (and glowing) body to the fangirls.

 **MysticStarblade** : The girls stared at his body blankly, wondering where this strange man came from. Loke shivered under their gaze... and from this unbearable cold. He felt whatever muscles he had freeze up. Loke coughed uncomfortably. "Ehem, ladies, ladies. There's no need to stare. Why don't you all come with me and we can relax in the hot springs-"

One of the girls shrugged and turned away. "Meh, this guy" (as in Natsu) "is _much_ hotter."

Stab. Right in the heart.

Another girl nodded. "Yeah! This guy" (as in Natsu) "has sooooo much more muscles."

Another stab. Right in the heart.

Another girl frowned at the shivering man. "Yeah, go away, bozo. You're nothing compared to this hunk of gorgeousness."

With that, all the girls turned away from the poor spirit and continued to fondle Natsu (who was starting to cry silently). Loke remained standing in the snow, becoming blue with frostbite. His heart... his poor heart was shattered into tiny pieces... Lucy swore she saw a little bit of his soul fly from his mouth.

After another minute, Loke's shoulders slumped and he shuffled to his princess. With what remaining strength he had, he patted her shoulders. "I... I'm sorry, Princess. I must... go... cry in a corner now... Adieu." And he vanished. No sparkles, no roses... he just vanished.

Lucy growled and shook her fist towards the sky. "Well _you_ were no help!"

"Ohhhhhh ~Natsu!" the girls continued to fondle the poor dragon slayer.

 **Deathslayer Night:** "Damn it," Lucy thought angrily, drawing out a certain celestial key, "I didn't want to do this… But these girls need-to-DIE!"

"OPEN!" Lucy roared, plunging the key through the water that Natsu had melted, "GATE OF THE WATER BEARER! AQUARIUS!" Out of the key came Aquarius, who was in an extremely bad mood.

"HOW MANY TIMES DID I TELL YOU?!" Aquarius roared, her eyes twitching, "DON'T SUMMON ME IN COLD WATER-"

"Kill them." A black, evil aura formed around Lucy. Aquarius stopped and raised an eyebrow.

"Wha-"

"Kill-" Lucy pointed towards the crowd of fangirls while raising her head. Her eyes were glowing murderously red, "Them."

Aquarius stared at the new persona of her master Lucy, before turning away.

"F-fine," Aquarius replied, looking very intimidated, "But only because I feel like it. HEY GIRLS!"

"What do _you_ want?" Came the reply of the fangirls. At their rude response, Aquarius growled, tick marks appearing all over her face.

"What do I want?" Aquarius asked quietly, "I want you girls to show me RESPECT!" With that last yell, she summoned a torrent of water that hurled into the girls. They found themselves swept away, screeching in surprise as the water carried them all the way into the side of a mountain. On contact with the mountain, the girls then were tortured even further when their sudden impact gave way to an avalanche, hurling them down the side of the mountain they found themselves on. (All of them were still alive when they were found.)

 _ **Meanwhile**_  
Makarov's head perked up, his ears twitching.

"What's wrong, Master?" Mira asked kindly, cleaning a glass with a rag. Master Makarov only frowned as he stared at the guild doors.

"My Team Natsu senses," he murmured, "Are tingling…"

 **MysticStarblade** : Lucy breathed heavily as she watched the girls tumble down the mountain. Finally... it was over.

Natsu breathed a sigh of relief and bounded over to his teammate, his muscles rippling as he sprinted over. "Thanks a bunch, Luce! You really saved me!"

Lucy averted her eyes from the salmon-haired mage's enticing abs and blushed. "Y-you're welcome... H-here! Take my coat!" She quickly threw the coat over Natsu, not wanting any more fangirls to come around and stare at what's rightfully _her's_.

Natsu frowned as Lucy shivered from the cold. After a split second, he walked over to the blonde and drew her into him, the coat covering the both of them. The girl sighed blissfully as she was drawn into the abnormal amount of heat Natsu gave off.

"Oh, Natsu…"  
 **  
Deathslayer Night:**  
 _One Day Later_

Happy staggered into the guild hall, looking thoroughly bemused.

"If only Natsu hadn't lost his vest," he thought bitterly, as he ignored everyone staring at him, confused, "Then I would still be good ol' innocent me." Carla walked towards him, asking him something, but he just pushed past her.

"I can't even flirt with Carla," Happy thought as Carla stared at the distraught Happy wide-eyed, "Without thinking about that night. I knew I should've asked for a separate room for myself. Those two were awfully quiet that time."

"Oye Happy," Gray called from the table he and Juvia were sitting together, "Where's Lucy and Flame-Brain?"

"Where are they indeed?" Happy thought, nearly puking. He managed to climb a chair next to the bar, where Mira was patiently waiting for him.

"What is it, Happy?" Mira asked, smiling.

"Oh boy," Happy thought, "Mira would love to hear the news. But first I need something to forget my suffering. Something so strong I can just forget what I have seen."

"Mira," Happy slowly drawled, "Bring me chocolate milk."


	2. Sausages

**Chapter 2: Sausages**

 **MysticStarblade** : Loke - or rather, Leo - sat against a tree in the Celestial World, watching his beloved princess through a little mirror/screen/thing in front of him. No, this wasn't creepy at all. The lion spirit did this all the time, not that he'd tell Lucy about it. She'd most likely Lucy-kick him. Anyway, Loke watched as Lucy walked around Magnolia cheerfully. She was grocery shopping - mainly because _certain_ people ate all the food in her home. After watching for a while, Loke suddenly gasped. A _man_ appeared and had started flirting with _his_ princess!

 **Deathslayer Night:** "N-No," Loke stammered, grabbing the mirror by its edges and shaking it around, "This can't be! He isn't even hotter than I!" He watched in despair as the man grabbed Lucy's hand and brushed his lips on it. What's more horrifying is that his princess was actually _blushing_ when the man did that.

"What?!" Loke thought, "Whenever I kiss her on the hand, she kicks me back to the Celestial World! I guess only a random stranger can do such things to her… I wonder if I can jar her memory so she can forget me..."

 **MysticStarblade** : Loke continued to watch the two interact, grimacing and (occasionally) wailing whenever that man made yet another flirtatious move. After some time, Virgo and Aries appeared, only to find the mighty lion spirit curled up on the ground, bawling his eyes out and crying out something along the lines of "Oh, how this pains me so".

"Brother, you do realize that spying on Hime-sama is creepy?" Virgo asked stoically.

"Yes, Virgo is right. I'm sorry!" Aries yelped.

Loke, ignoring the two completely, gave another cry of anguish. "Oh, how this pains me so! If only there were some way for me to go down there and steal the princess away! If only... there were some kind of gate! Or... or a way for me to force that gate open! I can't allow that brute of a man to woe my princess!"

 **Deathslayer Night:** Virgo stood emotionlessly as Aries knelt down and comforted Loke, who was starting to bawl so hard his glasses were breaking from the amount of force that his tears were flooding out of his eyes.

"Brother," Virgo stated, her face void of any emotion as the tears were starting to shoot out at her.

"What is it now?" Loke asked dramatically, "Has my princess lost her virginity, too?"

"You _can_ force open your gate to help Hime-sama. You've done it before." Loke stopped his bawling before both Virgo and Aries were completely drenched in his salty tears.

"Ah, you're right!" Loke grinned, pulling off his cracked glasses before exchanging them for a new pair inside his pocket. He stood up and shook himself swiftly, drying him from his salty tears.

 **MysticStarblade** : "I could do just that!" Loke exclaimed happily. "Oh, but first, I must prepare my appearance. I must arrive in fashion, in a shower of dazzling lights and roses. After all, I must win back my princess. And what better way than with my 'I Love Lucy' sign?"

With that, Loke then prepared for his departure. With the help of Virgo and Aries (the latter of whom seemed quite off today), he was able to prepare sparkles galore, bouquets upon bouquets of roses, and of course, lights. The whole thing took about ten minutes (Earthling time). When all was said and done, Loke stood among the flowers and other ... strange... things and prepared for his departure.

"Thank you, Virgo and Aries. I must be off to save my princess!"

And in a shower of blinding lights, the lion spirit forced his gate open and within nanoseconds, appeared in a flash of golden sparkles to where Lucy was seen last.

"My princess! Your knight in shining armor has come to save you!" Without opening his eyes, fireworks were shot from behind him making the surrounding area thick with lights, roses, sparkles, and other things majestic. He raised his arm, shining his beloved 'I Love Lucy' sign for all of Magnolia to see. With the other hand, he pushed up his glasses and opened his eyes at last.

 **Deathslayer Night:** What he saw was a man who was suffering third degree burns, his eye twitching slightly. His princess, Lucy, was currently being carried bridal-style by a certain pink-haired mage.

"Ya think," Natsu growled into Lucy's ear, loud enough for Loke (who's soul fluttered away from him) to hear, "that I would ever let you go?"

"Oh Natsu..." Lucy whispered, her brown eyes staring adoringly at Natsu's obsidian eyes.

"NO FAIR!" Loke screamed inside his head, "THAT SHOULD'VE BEEN ME!" Lucy sniffed the air, frowning.

"Why do I smell salt in the air?" She asked out loud. Natsu only smirked.

"How about we go to my place?" Natsu asked.

"Say no," Loke thought desperately, his eyes widening as the tears were starting to flow again, "PLEASE SAY NO!"

"... Okay," Lucy whispered into Natsu's ears.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Loke screamed, flailing dramatically around as Natsu swept Lucy away. Other people were frowning at Loke's contorted body as he banged his head in multiple objects, wailing.

"WHY ME! WHY ME! WHY MEEEEEEE!" Loke cried. A hand came down on Loke's shoulder. Loke finally stopped acting like a slug sprinkled with salt as he looked up, his face covered in boogers and tears. There stood Capricorn, smiling sadly.

 **MysticStarblade** : "Oh, Loke..." Capricorn said, "I'm so sorry..."

Loke wailed and threw himself on the tall goat. "Capricorn! How could this happen to me?! That should have been meeeeee!"

Capricorn sighed and held Loke close to him. "I'm so sorry... I wish I could help you. If only there were... some _way_ to ease your pain."

"Yes! Make the pain go away!"

"... How about... going for some... _sausages_." Capricorn suggested suggestively.

Loke sniffed and looked up. "W-what?"

"I said _sausages_. Wouldn't that make you... _feel_ better?"

Loke gave a small smile. "I love sausages! They taste so good and everything!"

A few people walking past the spirits looked at the two horrified. Passing-by mothers quickly covered their children's ears.

Capricorn smiled back. "Well then, I know a great... _sausage_ place. Let's go get us some... _sausages_."

Loke smiled gratefully at the wise spirit, allowing him to lead them to the sausage place. The lion spirit did not pay any attention when Capricorn led them through a few dark alleys... nor did he pay any attention when they turned into the Red Light District. Loke only thought about the delicious sausages that were to come.

 **Deathslayer Night:** All this time, Aries stared in horror of what was unfolding in front of her. She sat holding the mirror where Loke had previously sulked, with Virgo watching from the side.

"N-no," Aries stammered as Virgo watched blankly, "I-is Capricorn doing what I think h-he's doing?"

"What do you mean?" Virgo asked in a dull voice, although there was a hint of curiosity in it.

"I'll tell you what Aries mean," replied a harsh voice. The two pink heads turned to see Aquarius floating towards them.

"I'M SORRY!" Aries started bowing to Aquarius uncontrollably, "I'M SO SO SO VERY SORRY!"

"Oh shut up," Aquarius snapped.

"Well," Virgo asked again, "What does Aries mean?" Aquarius sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose.

"It means," Aquarius started, "That Capricorn is gay and wants to do the dance with no pants with Loke." Aries squeaked in horror at Aquarius' statement, confirming her fear. Virgo just blinked.

"The dance with no pants…" Virgo repeated blandly. Aquarius grunted in frustration.

"Why are you so stupid when it comes to family life? The dance with no pants means- where's Aries?"

"The dance with no pants means 'Where's Aries'?" Virgo asked confused as Aquarius looked around.

 **MysticStarblade** : Loke continued to sniffle against Capricorn's side as the goat spirit led them through the darkened streets of the Red Light District. Soon, they entered yet another darkened alleyway, a flashing sign just ahead that read "Sausage Palace".

However, before they could take another step, a brilliant shower of gold flashed before them as Aries stepped out. The usually timid girl looked... different. Instead of the apologetic look she always held in her face, she held a look of determination and defiance.

"Stop right there, Capricorn!" she yelled, "I won't let you go any further!"

"Oh? Why is that? I'm just taking Loke out to eat some... _sausages_."

Loke looked up and finally noticed... Aries. Yes, he was still unaware of the situation he was in and where he was. "Oh, hi Aries! Yeah, Capricorn and I are going to go eat sausages! They're going to be so tasty!"

Aries sighed and shook her head violently. "No! That's not true!"

"What? That they're _not_ going to be tasty?"

"... No! Capricorn isn't leading you to some sausage place! He's leading you somewhere else!"

"Where?"

"To some male stripper club, probably!"

"... but the sign over there says 'Sausage Palace'..."

"It's a sexual innuendo."

"... but-"

"Capricorn," Aries cut off Loke, turning to the other spirit, "let go of Loke!"

Capricorn smirked. "Why should you care what Loke and I do? If we want some... _sausages_ , then we should get them. Why should it matter to you?"

Aries stammered, turning red in both embarrassment and anger. "IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE LOKE!"

 **Deathslayer Night:** The whole world had gone silent at that moment. Aries turned into the deepest shade of red, squeaking when she realized what she had just said. Capricorn simply raised an eyebrow while Loke felt his jaw drop in shock and awe. He never knew Aries had these kinds of feelings for him. Loke simply thought of her as a baby sister.

"SORRY! SO SORRY!" Aries yelped, blushing so hard that one would think her head would explode like a volcano.

"Now that I think about it," Loke thought, lightly blushing as well, "I did think that Aries is cute when she gets nervous." His thoughts were cut when Capricorn smirked.

"But Aries," Capricorn replied, his smile widening, "I was still taking Loke to eat some… _sausages_."

"STOP SAYING THAT!" Aries yelled, her face turning back into the look of defiance she held before, "THAT'S AN EXCUSE!"

"Oh really?" Capricorn asked.

"FINE! LET'S GO IN AND HAVE A PEEK, SHALL WE?!" With a huff, Aries turned and opened the door that led into Sausage Palace. When Aries and Loke both peeked inside, sure enough, there were male strippers inside, with cowboy pants and no shirts on… serving sausages.

"Told you," Capricorn smirked as he went inside as well, walking past a stammering Aries.

"B-but it _is_ a strip club!" Aries complained, "And you're a goat! You're not supposed to eat sausages!" Capricorn looked around and frowned.

"Huh," Capricorn remarked in wonder, "Never really noticed it was a strip club. And as for the fact I'm a goat," he turned towards Aries, frowning, "It doesn't mean I _can't_ eat meat. After all, I'm a celestial spirit and not exactly a _true_ goat. Plus," Capricorn grinned as he grabbed a sausage from one of the platters the male strippers/waiters were carrying around, "The sausages here are free and _delicious_!" Capricorn took a huge bite out of the sausage and chewed incredibly loudly.

"B-but-" Aries stammered, but was cut off when she felt a hand tugging her's. She turned and saw that Loke's eyes were shimmering brightly.

"Please?" Loke begged, "Can we stay here?" Aries relented when she heard Loke cutely purring every time he smelt sausages, which was all the time.

"Fine," Aries sighed, "But after this you're taking me to the movies." Loke shook his head, saying "YES!" a thousand times before dragging Aries to the nearest table.

Capricorn watched the new couple for a few seconds more before spitting out his sausage in disgust. He pressed the lacrima earpiece hidden inside his ear, turning to the exit.

"Mira, I did what you asked for, now delete that stupid photo of me NOW."


	3. Death By Lack of Kiwi

**Chapter 3: Death By Lack of Kiwi**

 **MysticStarblade** : Levy stretched and yawned as the morning sun hit her eyes. Last night was a long night indeed. She spent most of her time reading and researching interesting tidbits about random things. Then her boyfriend showed up and - Levy blushed deeply. After stretching, she looked to the side and found her boyfriend sleeping. She smiled lovingly at him as he snored away. Sighing happily, Levy jumped off the bed, careful not to wake the snoring man, and headed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. However, she took a sharp breath as an unsettling sight awaited her: all her kitchen utensils were either half-eaten or gone as well as all the kiwis. Levy paled and sweat-dropped.

"GAJEEL!" she screamed.

 **Deathslayer Night:** A thud was heard from the bedroom followed by a load groan. Within seconds, Gajeel popped out of the room, one of his eyes closed shut, while one of his hands was rubbing the back of his head. His abs were gorgeously glowing in the sunlight, but Levy was paying attention to another thing.

"What," she murmured, grinding her teeth, "Happened here?" Gajeel darted his eyes through the room, scanning the situation.

"Yeah," he replied slowly, "I ate the metal utensils here. So?-"

"I'm not talking about the utensils!" Levy snapped, "What happened to the KIWIS?!" Gajeel furrowed his eyebrows in confusion.

"I didn't eat the damn kiwis," Gajeel retorted, "You know I don't eat them."

"Then who did?"

"It must've been Lily-"

"LILY DOESN'T WAKE UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT AND YOU KNOW THAT!" Levy screamed. Gajeel winced.

"So what? We got robbed of some kiwis and nothin' else-"

"You don't understand," Levy pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration, "Remember the last time Lily didn't eat kiwis in the morning?" Gajeel thought back- and paled.

"Oh dear god," Gajeel murmured in horror, "Have mercy on my soul."

"Not _your_ soul," Levy whispered, " _My_ soul, too." A groan came from Lily' _s_ room. Both Gajeel and Levy froze.

"What the hell do we do now?!" Gajeel yelped.

 **MysticStarblade** : Levy looked down and thought hard. "Well, for starters, go buy some more _kiwis_ and hurry back. Oh, and along the way, buy more kitchen utensils. Make them plastic or wooden."

Gajeel gasped wide-eyed. "PLASTIC?! But I need my metal!"

From Lily's room, Levy and Gajeel heard a groan.

"Sshh! Be quiet!" Levy hissed, "And yes, _plastic_. You always eat all the metal forks and spoons, so every few days, we have to buy new ones! We're getting plastic this time so you can stop."

Gajeel groaned. "Ugh... Fine. But I'm just gonna end up eating the pots and pans next. What're you gonna do about Lily?"

"Let me worry about him. Just go, already!"

The pierced man nodded, turning to leave. At the door, he stopped and sniffed. "Something smells weird..."

"Go!"

Gajeel groaned and turned out the door, still wondering what those scents could possibly mean.

 **Deathslayer Night:** Levy, watching Gajeel go, sighed while rubbing her forehead. **  
**

"Levy?" a deep voice asked. Levy froze and slowly turned around to see Lily, rubbing his eyes.

"Where did Gajeel go?" he asked, stretching his tiny arms. Levy began sweating profusely as Lily went to the kitchen, frowning.

"E-Erm…" Levy stammered, "He- uh- he went shopping for new kitchen utensils." Levy knew this was half true, so it isn't exactly lying.

"Oh, I see," Came Lily's reply as he grabbed a plate, "Levy, where are the kiwis?" Levy gulped.

"Um…" Levy started pouring sweat so much that she was slowly creating a puddle.

"Levy," Lily turned, putting the plate on the kitchen table, "Are you OK? You're sweating like crazy, even though it's only 75 degrees in here."

"I-I'm fine," Levy murmured, "Er, how about eating oranges- or perhaps apples?" Lily snorted.

"Levy," he answered, "Oranges give me stomach aches, and apples are to hard to chew. I want kiwis!" During the time he was talking, Levy's eyes trailed something that might help in this situation.

"Er, they're in the fridge." Levy said nervously, slowly sliding to the place that had the item that could be a lifesaver.

"Alright," Lily said, "I remember now- I put in my special kiwis here for today- they might help me during the mission." Lily opened the fridge and peeked inside. He saw no kiwis.

"Levy," Lily questioned, raising his eyebrows, "Where are the kiwis-" THUD! Lily fell to the floor with a dazed expression, as a slight bump grew on his head. Above him stood Levy with a huge, wooden rolling pin, which was the only thing that Gajeel didn't eat because it wasn't, well, metal. Levy dropped her weapon in horror.

"I'm sorry, Lily!" Levy thought, "But that was for the sake of me and Gajeel!"

 **MysticStarblade** : After asking Mavis for forgiveness (and Lily too, not that he was paying any attention), Levy quickly scooped up the little black furball and sat him down on a chair. Using her Solid-Script magic, she called out a rope and tied the Exceed to the chair tightly.

Levy sighed. "I hope that's enough to hold him. Oh Mavis, where's Gajeel?"

No sooner had she said that, Gajeel waltzed through the door, munching on a spoon he bought at the store and holding a bag of plastic and wooden utensils.

"GAJEEL!" Levy screeched, "WHERE ARE THE KIWIS?!"

The iron-studded man spat the metal out as his eyes widened. "OH CRAP! I FORGOT!"

"HOW COULD YOU FORGET SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!"

"I'M JOKING! Besides, I did check to see if there were kiwis."

"... _and_?"

"The grocery store ran out."

"..."

Off to the side, Lily groaned.

Gajeel looked over to his cat and choked on his spit. "Y-you tied him up?! And what's with that bump?!"

Levy sighed. "We had no choice, Gajeel. Now what are we gonna do about those kiwis?!"

He shrugged. "Well, I know we're screwed."

 **Deathslayer Night:** "NO!" Levy screamed, shaking her head, "I do not want to suffer the wrath of Lily at all! That's right!" Levy slammed her fist onto her other hand, "WE CAN JUST CALL JET AND DROY!" Gajeel gaped.

"Those cheerleaders?" Gajeel murmured, raising an eyebrow. Levy wildly flailed to the communication lacrima.

"It's the only way!" Levy started dialing Jet's number down, her lips pursed in concentration.

"How is that the only way?!" Gajeel complained. Levy glared at him.

"Droy possibly has these kiwi seeds with him, and Jet can get him here fast!" Levy answered frantically before pressing the lacrima to her ear

"Jet?" She said into the phone. "Jet, I need your help-" PHOOM!

"WE ARE HERE, LEVY-CHAN~!" Jet and Droy cried in unison, with tears streaming down their cheeks as they tumbled through the back door.

"That was quick…" Gajeel murmured as Droy took Levy's hands.

"We will help you with your kiwi problem!" He cried dramatically. Levy had a quizzical look on her face.

"Wait…" Levy asked, "How did you guys know that we needed kiwis-"

"Not important! Anyways, we have planted kiwis before hand if such case has risen!" Jet wailed, "We have them in the back right now!"

"But-"

"You don't have to thank us, Levy-chan~!"

"But-"

"We will do anything-"

"ENOUGH." Gajeel stated, a devilish aura coming out of him. Jet and Droy stopped their rambling to give Gajeel a glare.

"Jet." Gajeel looked at the orange-haired man.

"Droy." Gajeel glared at the other man.

"What the hell were you doing behind our house this morning?"

 **MysticStarblade** : The two cheerleaders sweat-dropped nervously. "W-what are you talking about?" asked Droy.

"Of course we were waiting in case our Levy-chan needed any assistance!" finished Jet.

Gajeel snarled. "Oh really? Then why do I smell kiwis in your shitty breaths?"

Levy gasped. Did... did her friends eat all the kiwis? "Jet, Droy? Is... Is that true?"

Gajeel scoffed. "Woman, if I smelled it, then it's gotta be tru- ouch!"

The blue-haired girl huffed and let go of her boyfriend's obnoxiously long hair. "Answer me Jet, Droy. Did you eat all the kiwis?"

The two remained silent, not wanting to answer their teammate. Lily groaned from his seat in the corner.

"Oi," Gajeel warned, "answer the goddamn question!"

"A-alright!" Jet confessed, " _We_ ate all the kiwis in your house!"

"And all the kiwis in Magnolia!" Droy added.

"But we only did this to get our Levy-chan's attention!"

"Because she never seems to notice us anymore!"

"We just wanted to feel like she still needed us!"

"We just wanted to help Levy-chan!"

"PLEASE FORGIVE US, LEVY-CHAAAAAAN!" Jet and Droy ended, tears flowing down their faces.

 **Deathslayer Night:** Gajeel saw Levy's face pale exponentially for some reason.

"Levy?" Gajeel asked, "What's wrong?" Levy ignored him, looking directly at her two companions.

"Oh, it's not me that you should be begging forgiveness," Levy murmured, pointing to a thing past the two cheerleaders, "It's Lily you should be begging for forgiveness." Jet and Droy stopped rambling, their mouths starting to gape as they slowly turned around. Sure enough, Lily, in his battle form, was towering over them, his giant sword in hand.

"Jet. Droy." Lily acknowledged, a fearsome aura forming around him. The duo gulped in terror as Levy and Gajeel quietly snuck out, not wanting to face the wrath of Lily the Exceed.

"D-don't worry," Jet gulped.

"W-we'll make the kiwis grow as quickly as possible!" Droy squeaked out. Lily's aura grew even darker as he scowled menacingly.

"How about the special kiwis I put in the fridge?" Lily snarled, raising his sword, "Did you plant the seeds that were inside them?"

"You mean the kiwis that were somehow glowing?" Droy remarked, forgetting the debacle he and Jet were in, "Oh no, they were so delicious I swallowed them whole- UMPH!"

Jet, in a panic, tried to cover up Droy's mouth, but the damage was done. Lily was silent, although he was literally vibrating in anger. The cat looked up, revealing that his eyes were tinged blood-red as he murmured one word.

"Die." On that day, Jet and Droy's screams would forever haunt young children.


	4. How to Take Care of a Stripper

**Chapter 4- How to Take Care of A Stripper**

 **Deathslayer Night:** Gray kicked his door open, bathing in the icy wind. He had just come back to his home after a huge duel against Natsu and Gajeel that ended with Erza being forced to draw her war hammer and beating it on their heads numerous amounts of times. Gray groaned, holding his head as he remembered Erza's devilish face towering over him. If it hadn't been for Juvia suddenly hugging his leg at that very moment, he would have escaped Erza's vicious attacks. Gray went to his kitchen, grabbing a plastic bag before summoning some ice into it. Holding it against his head he looked around at his apartment. When opening his front door, he immediately had access to his bedroom, which was connected to both his bathroom and his kitchen. Gray went to his bedroom immediately grabbing his lacrima remote while kicking away his clothes that were left on the ground. He flicked the "on" button as his lacrima tv came to life. On the tv some weird girl with an afro was talking about the latest mage couples, as she took out a chart of some of her favorite couples. There was Sherry and Ren, Natsu and Lucy, Hibiki and Jenny, and some others until finally there was, to Gray's annoyance, Gray and Juvia. Gray sighed and was about to switch channels when he noticed a weird tugging sensation in the front of him. Gray looked down, his eyes widening when he realized he still had his clothes on- cargo pants, brown sandals, and a gray muscle shirt. Gray found his hand that wasn't holding his homemade ice pack currently trying to pry off his shirt, but to no avail. Gray suddenly started to feel hot and itchy, as tossed aside his ice pack and worked to pull off his shirt, his teeth grinding. Gray, after a short tussle, finally stopped, gasping for air as the world around him felt like it was being attacked by a nuclear missile, searing his flesh and making it raw.

"Think, Gray, think!" Gray thought out loud, trying for a second time to rip off his shirt, "Why isn't this shirt budging!"

 **MysticStarblade** : Gray tugged and tugged in a hope to get his freaking shirt off. He was burning up. After a _long_ while, his navy-blue eyes landed on something across the room. He grabbed the largest pair of scissors he owned. Gray gulped loudly as the light bounced off the blades. Here it goes. The man grabbed a corner of his shirt (the only piece the managed to pry off his skin without much pain) and began cutting it. He got absolutely nowhere. Sure, he managed to make a little cut, but that was before he began cutting his skin off with it. So he stopped. Well, that was no use.

Next, Gray tried to burn it. He cursed quietly to himself. If only Natsu were here to burn it off for him... Gray slapped himself. No, he didn't need that fire-breather. If anything, that nut-head was the cause of all this. With a crazed look in his eye, the ice mage grabbed a jug of gasoline and poured it all over himself. Laughing maniacally, Gray grabbed a match and lit it.

"OH CRAAAAAAAAP!" Gray screamed. He felt his flesh burning, the scent of... bacon drifting around the room. "ICE MAKE... uh... ICE!" With that spell, a thick layer of ice covered the man, extinguishing the strong flames. Gray sighed in relief as a familiar and welcoming chill creeped across him. After a minute, he shook off the ice and looked down. "SHIT!" His shirt was still on, a little scorched from the fire, but still on.

Gray tried other things, from rubbing against the wall to using pliers. But none of his methods were working. After a couple hours, the raven-haired man stood in the middle of his living room, panting as he looked at the broken furniture around him.

He tried everything. Everything except one. With an aggravated groan, the raven-haired man marched to the bathroom and turned the shower on, intent on soaking the shirt and slipping out.

 **Deathslayer Night:** "Grayyyyyy-samaaaaa," a voice called, faint at first.

Gray froze as he tugged his shirt.

" _What,"_ Gray thought, his eyes widening, " _the hell... was that?_

"Ohh Grrrrraaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy-samaaaaa~" the voice called again, seemingly echoing throughout the room.

" _Wait, "sama"?"_ Gray thought. He stopped pulling his shirt to look around in the shower.

" _Oh no... It couldn't possibly be-"_ Gray slowly pulled the shower curtains open to locate the sound of the voice that spread through the room. And, surprise surprise, in the toilet…

Was Juvia's head.

"NOTICE ME, GRAY-SAMA!" Juvia aggressively leapt from the toilet water, her arms outstretched, determined to hug Gray. Gray leapt back, his head hitting the wall of the shower. He gritted his teeth before stretching out his leg to keep Juvia away from him. He rather not be touched by a woman who had just leapt out of his toilet water...

"PLEASE, GRAY-SAMA- HUG MEEE!" Gray paled as Juvia went past his leg.

" _Oh, I forgot,"_ Gray thought silently, " _She has a water-body."_ With that last thought in mind, Gray got wrapped onto Juvia so quickly and so hard, he nearly blanked out ( A.N. Not meant to be an sexual innuendo).

"GAHHH! JUVIA! WHAT THE HELL?!" Gray shouted terrified as he turned the shower off.

The water mage ignored Gray's terrified shrieks and sighed blissfully, rubbing her head on his chest, while hearts formed in her eyes.

"Oh, beloved Gray-sama!" Juvia cried out in tears, rubbing Gray so hard that Gray's chest was somehow becoming even hotter, "How Juvia loves seeing you so! How Juvia has longed to be in the same shower as Gray-sama!"

The man tugged nervously at his shirt, his face turning red from both his tight clothes and Juvia's boa constrictor-like wrap.

Juvia blushed and turned her head away, covering her eyes while finally giving Gray some breathing room. "Oh, Gray-sama! Juvia is not yet ready to succumb to the delicious treat that is Gray-sama! However," She uncovered her eyes and finally noticed the man was struggling with his shirt, "Why is it that Gray-sama's shirt is still on? In fact, why were you showering with your clothes on?" Juvia paused her rant, staring intently at the burning figure of Gray.

"... IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE COLD?! OH GRAY-SAMA, LET ME HEAT YOU UP IN MY LOVE!" (A.N. Again, not meant to be a sexual innuendo).

"Damn it, Juvia!" Gray yelled, finally fed up with Juvia's actions, "I can't get my damn shirt off, that's the problem!"

 **MysticStarblade** : Juvia stopped rubbing her head on her beloved's clothed chest. She looked up, anger evident in her eyes. "What does Gray-sama mean?"

Gray shivered under the woman's fierce gaze. "I-I c-c-can't get my shirt o-off."

"NOOOOOOOOO!" Juvia wailed, tears shooting out of her eyes, already flooding the bathroom. "DOES THIS MEAN JUVIA WILL NEVER SEE GRAY-SAMA'S DELECTABLE ABS AGAIN?! OH, HOW THIS PAINS JUVIA SO!" The rain woman stopped and stared evilly at the ground. "Juvia will murder the person who did this to her beloved Gray-sama. Juvia will capture that person and tie him to the ground. Then Juvia will rip his arms and legs off one by one before cutting off his -"

"Okay!" Gray interrupted, pale from the vivid description, "Now could you leave? I need to figure out how to get this stupid shirt off."

The blue-haired mage ignored the man and stood still, eying him up and down. Oh how she loved him. She sighed blissfully as her eyes landed on his slightly-wet, raven hair. She stared gratefully at his beautiful eyes, perfect nose, full lips... " _Oh Gray-sama..."_ Juvia thought. And then she reached his chest. She scowled angrily. Damn whoever stuck her beloved to this shirt. A lightbulb flashed in her head.

"Gray-sama!" Juvia shouted.

Gray jumped. He had spent the last fifteen minutes standing awkwardly in the shower as this woman was eying him. "W-what? Didn't I tell you to leave?"

"Juvia has a solution to Gray-sama's dilemma!"

The man raised his eyebrows. "Really? Somehow I don't trust you..."

Juvia pouted. "Gray-sama must trust Juvia! Juvia can help Gray-sama get his shirt off!"

Gray sweat-dropped. Were there any other options? He had a bad feeling about this. But then again, there was nothing else he _could_ do. "Alright then, let's see what you got."

Juvia smiled brightly, making the raven-haired man blush slightly. "Yes! Juvia will not let Gray-sama down! Now," she stepped closer, "do not freak out."

"What are you talking abou- Oi!"

Juvia morphed into water. "Gray-sama will thank Juvia for this later!" she said, her voice echoing around the room. With that, she hugged the man, encasing him in her (A/N Noooooot a sexual innuendo).

"J-Juvia?!" Gray screeched as he felt her swirling around him. He could literally feel her giggling in delight. "Juvia! W-what are you- GAH!" Gray felt like he was being molested.

After another minute of this molestation, Juvia popped off her beloved and re-formed into her human self. "Juvia is finished! ... Gray-sama? What's wrong?"

In front of her, what was left of Gray stood shaking and shivering. He clutched himself tightly. "I-I-I-I-I-I-I'm s-s-s-s-s-so s-s-s-s-s-sorry, m-m-mother. I-I-I-I-I fear I am n-n-n-no l-longer p-p-pure f-for m-m-m-marriage..."

Juvia scowled and, although she hated doing this, slapped Gray across the face hard. "Snap out of it, Gray-sama!" When he came to, she continued. "Juvia has helped Gray-sama release his clothing! Juvia did this by making mini water slicers between Gray-sama's body and clothing. Juvia suspects that someone put superglue in Gray-sama's clothing before he put it on. And what does Gray-sama mean by marriage?! GRAY-SAMA CAN ONLY MARRY JUVIA! ONLY JUVIA! GRAY-SAMA IS STILL PURE IN JUVIA'S EYES!"

The ice mage disregarded Juvia's last statement and tugged at his shirt. It came off nicely. Tears welled up in his eyes. "J-Juvia..."

"Yes, Gray-sama?"

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" Gray wailed before pulling the woman into a hug. "THANK YOU!"

Juvia blushed hard, steam coming out of her ears. "G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-Gray-sama! Y-Y-Y-Y-Your shirt!"

Gray looked down and found himself completely nude, once again. "Oh crap!"

As he ran around his apartment trying to find his missing clothes, Juvia smiled happily. She was able to help her beloved. It was the least she could do after he showed her the sky. Juvia scowled. Now she had to find the bastard who hid her beloved's abs from view for those brief minutes.

 _ **Meanwhile**_

Natsu ran around the guild, laughing his head off as he continued to superglue random guild members to random objects. This was a brilliant idea. Now that he already successfully superglued that ice princess's clothes to him, Natsu wouldn't have to deal with that stripping anymore. As he was supergluing a raw fish to Happy's back, a chill crept up on him. Natsu shivered.

"Natsu?" Lucy asked, unaware of what evil deeds her partner was doing, "What's wrong?"

"I... I don't know. I just feel like... I'm a dead man."


End file.
